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Woman are irrational and that's all there is to that
Their heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags
They're nothing but exasperating, irritating, vacilliating, calculating, agitating, maddening, and infuriating hags!
Haertling,
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
"Hm?"
Yes, why can't a woman
Be more like a man?
Men are so honest
So thoroughly square
Eternally noble
Historically fair
Who, when you win
Will always give your back a pat
Why can't a woman
Be like that?
Why does every one do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do everything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up... like their father instead?
Why can't a woman
Be more like a man?
Men are so pleasant
So easy to please
Whenever you're with them
You're always at ease
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
"Of course not"
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
"Nonsense"
"Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?"
"Never"
Well, why can't a woman
Be like you?
One man in a million may shout a bit
Now and then, there's one with slight defects
One perhaps whose truthfulness you doubt a bit
But by and large, we are a marvelous sex
Why can't a woman
Behave like a man?
Men are so friendly
Good-natured and kind
A better companion
You never will find
If I were hours late for dinner would you bellow?
"Of course not"
If I forgot your stupid birthday would you fuss?!
"Nonsense"
Would you complain if I took out another fellow?
"Never"
Then why can't a woman
Be like us?
Mary Ellen,
You're a woman
Why can't a woman
Be more like a man?
Men are so decent
Such regular chaps
Ready to help you
Through any mishaps
Ready to buck you up
Whenever you're glum
Why can't a woman
Be a chum?
Why is thinking something women never do?
Why is logic never even tried?
Straightening up their hair is all they ever do
Why don't they straighten up... the mess that's inside?
Why can't a woman
Behave like a man?
If I was a woman
Who'd been to a ball,
Hailed as a princess
By one and by all
Would I start weeping, like a bathtub overflowing?
Or carry on, as though my home were in a tree?
Would I run off, and never tell me where I'm going?
Why can't a woman
Be like me?
flac [soulseek username: vomit]
this is boyd's rendition of «why can't a woman be more like a man» from my fair lady; i didn't type most of these lyrics, instead copying most of it from this site.
the mary ellen mentioned in this song is mary ellen carver—boyd rice's «mother-in-law» of sorts, as he has had a child with her daughter, lisa crystal carver, hieß wolfgang carver—with whom boyd has collaborated for «monopoly queen».
joel haertling worked with boyd for the first track on the album—which also appeared on world serpent's terra serpentes sampler—and the music on this track.
Boyd with Mary Ellen
I had a dream that my mother was the World Champ at Monopoly. She was gloating over a Monopoly board — she owned everything but Marvin Gardens. I woke up and called my mother and asked if she would write a song about Monopoly, and she did, and it was brilliant! I called Bruce Pavitt at Sub Pop and asked if he would put it out as a single, and he agreed immediately. He was excited! I told Boyd Rice about it, and he was so excited he agreed to do a duet for the B-side with my mom, “Let’s Keep It Friendly” — a romantic, kinda sexy song. Boyd says my mother reminds him of Mrs. Miller. Michael Cudahy of Combustible Edison wrote interesting music for “Monopoly Queen” and Liz Cox sang backup like Mary Ford—a remarkable contrast to my mother’s vocal work. Melissa Jasper designed cat outfits for herself, Rachel and me — we were the meowers on “Let’s Keep It Friendly” and the relatives on “Monopoly Queen.” Robbie took the photos. Michael wanted to add some last minute electric sitar touches to “Monopoly Queen.” He knew we were laying the vocal tracks down at 11:30 AM somewhere in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, but he didn’t know where (couldn’t get in touch with me), so he just hopped in his car and left Rhode Island and by chance he parked his car RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STUDIO WHERE WE WERE. The stars sure were aligned for “Monopoly Queen”...and dreams do come true!
31 January, 1994
[mrs. miller is of daniel miller—the founder of mute records—who himself founded mute records to release boyd rice's music—after his brief contribution to the proto-whitehouse project come.]